Pinterest and Straight Pins

I found pinterest a couple weeks ago and went nuts. I love the visual links. I've also been inspired to do a lot of sewing. I making some aprons, which will get pictures posted at the appropriate time. I think after years of doing various crafts and what-nots, looking for my own favorite hobby I've officially settled on sewing. It's just unfortunate that it can cost quite a bit - but Wayne thinks I could sell some of my stuff on etsy :D We'll see. Maybe that will be my summer project - sell stuff to support my personal hobby. I've been drawing an entire line of aprons inspired by various things - the 50s, Steampunk, kimonos... just goes on. Anyway, I'm excited we set up the office so sewing will be far easier now, with a dedicated sewing table.

Room for Happiness

I found this song randomly browsing YouTube as I was contemplating my blog entry. Lately I've had some nightmares - they aren't typical nightmares... they seem like happy dreams - happy family, everything going well. I'm usually pregnant in the dreams, or toting around a baby. Then I wake up, and that's when they become the nightmare... because they are hopeful dreams... and to quote Hamlet 2, hope is a demon bitch.

I haven't shared with anyone I've been having the dreams, because I know it's just my mind trying to deal with things. I've had a few days when Wayne was in the office working on the computer and I was in the living room working on a sewing project or watching TV, and I had flashes to the distant future, and I can feel content in that life. Just the two of us into our elder years. So I shove the dreams to the back of my mind.

So what makes me write about them? There are always random moments that pop hidden things to the surface. Today I read the Facebook announcement by my cousin that he and his wife are expecting their second child. A pregnancy that has been so easy, she was 20 weeks along before realizing she was pregnant! I pray their child is healthy - their first one had a little scare when he was born with a harelip, but good surgeons have probably made it so there will be no trace.

The song seemed appropriate though - there is room for happiness I know. I have this fantasy of winning the lottery... buying a little land with a nice size house... adopting some children to fill the halls. I was browsing the kids available for adoption, and know it wouldn't be easy to give a child (or more likely a teenager) a new home, but I think we could be good parents... but I know it's a fantasy.  Sometimes I think it's fun to day dream for a moment - browse nice houses with land for sale... look at home plans... look at children needing a family... but it's probably not a good idea, when it can lead to a trigger.

I know there is room for happiness... this empty void inside of me can be filled I know. I just have to keep going and leave the fantasy of last year behind.