Surgery

 I was supposed to have a davinci total hysterectomy, keeping eggs and fallopian tubes, in order to get rid of endometrial cancer.

Problems started Wednesday during my bowel prep and liquid diet. I never do well if I can't eat my normal diet, so the liquid diet triggered a really bad migraine. At midnight, I started throwing up from it. My husband called the doctor on call, who happened to be my doctor, at 2am, and he wanted me to try and tough it out until my scheduled arrival time at 5:45 (when the OR first opens). But by 3, I was dry heaving (nothing left in the system) so badly, that I was having trouble breathing. My husband decided it was time to take me to the E.R.

At the E.R. they gave me some pain killer and an antiemetic, which was slow to work, but the headache did subside. At 6am, they rolled me across the hospital and I was admitted for my surgery. The nurse was concerned I wouldn't be able to have the surgery, because the wheelchair trip had triggered the dry heaving again. She got some more meds of some sort and let me sleep about an hour. By the time my doctor and the anesthesiologist met with me, I was looking improved and the nausea had passed, so we all decided to go ahead with it. I was especially adamant, since I knew it was the prep that triggered it, and there would be no point delaying for me to just go through the same problems later. Around 7:45, my husband and parents came in and it was hugs and kisses all around. Then they put the mask on me, and I was out.

Next thing I know, they were calling on me to wake up, but I couldn't get my eyes open. I could hear everything going on, so I heard an alarm go off, and felt them putting the tube down my throat. Apparently they had to reintubate when my oxygen was dropping. Eventually I was able to half flutter my eyes open, but the doctor was asking me to lift my hand and I couldn't do it. I felt totally paralyzed. The best I could do was to slightly shake or nod my head. I was working so hard to try and move my muscles, my breathing was stopping on and off, and then I think I passed out for a little while.

I woke up again and could barely lift my fingers, and was trying to move them again, but this just resulted in me doing a lot of shaking, so the nurse who was squeezing the air for me (don't know what that thing is called) thought I was having a seizure. Pretty soon, it felt like I had a hundred people crowded around my little bed. I looked unconscious, but I could hear everything that was going on around me. The doctors thought the muscle relaxer was not wearing off for some reason, and the anti-muscle relaxer medicine they were giving me wasn't working either.

I was in and out of consciousness here, but eventually they got me stabilized and I was very weak, but able to lift my hands and feet. At this point, they let my husband in to see me. He brought me a cute stuffed snoopy that played the peanuts theme music :)  I held this, but couldn't say anything because the tube was still in, and I had to focus in order to breathe. I could feel mucus or something around the tube, but I also couldn't clear my throat. I had a near drowning experience as a child, and that's pretty much what it felt like. The nurse, Joy, was talking with my husband and discussing how long I would be staying in the hospital, and this is the first time I was aware enough to realize things must not have gone as planned (beyond my trouble with the muscle relaxant).

I eventually communicated for them to get me a pad and paper. I wrote "Did they take the ovaries?" and Wayne nodded yes, with tears in his eyes. At that point, all I could do was focus on breathing, because I knew if I started crying I would probably choke to death. Instead, I asked some other questions unrelated to the surgery, because Joy said my doctor would be back to discuss things once I was a little more conscious. Even though he wasn't supposed to be there, the nurse let Wayne sit with me for about an hour. I spent most of the hour focusing on breathing, so my oxygen stats would go up enough they would finally remove the darn tube.

After Wayne returned to the waiting room, they finally took the throat tube out, but left the nasal canula which still bothered me. I was dozing in and out at this point, but had overheard more discussion from the staff, but waited to ask questions. My parents came in for a little while, as the nurse went to get my doctor. I was pretty aware there was more bad news coming, so I asked my parents to get my husband because I knew I would need him.

Apparently, when they opened me up, Dr. West discovered the cancer had spread outside of the uterus, and my uterus was far too large to remove without an abdominal incision. So they had to cut open my abdomen after all, and removed the uterus, along with the fallopian tubes and 11 lymph nodes. This was a major blow, because my husband and I had been planning to get eggs harvested after the surgery (recommended by the fertility doctor, so that I could heal before he stimulated the ovaries). We could have harvested the eggs before the surgery, but since no one seemed to think the cancer was that spread we decided to wait (it was stage 1, grade 1, and all MRIs and ultrasounds indicated it was fairly small). Dr. West said one of the lymph nodes looked suspicious as well, so now I'll be waiting on the pathology results. He also said I will now need radiation and chemotherapy for about six months, starting in about two weeks. Merry Christmas to me.

So, I managed to keep it together. I had had a feeling, but everyone (including a gyn-onc who is one of the best in the state and perhaps the east coast) had assured me the feeling was wrong. So, when it wasn't wrong, I was at least a little prepared. And besides, I couldn't start crying with the stupid nasal canula or I might choke. The nurse did sneak the canula out, even though my oxygen was still at 93%. I think she realized I was about to rip it out myself.

By 7pm, I was wheeled up to my room. A church member was there waiting, with dinner for my parents and husband, and prayers for me. She helped me get settled, because Wayne had to go find my parents and move his car to a new parking lot. I was able to suck on some ice with a little bit of cola. My parents only stopped in briefly, because they had to go home and take care of their dogs, and also stop by my house to get my dog, since we weren't planning on a four day hospital stay. Wayne stayed the night with me, and plans to alternate with my dad. We had a long night with getting pain under control and switching around IVs until we found a place that would stay put.

Sorry for the super long post, but it helps to vent about it I guess. Dr. West discussed some of the chemotherapy and radiation today. Yes, I'll be going through sudden menopause because I can't take any hormones, because they feed the cancer. We're going to treat this aggressively - which means it's probably bad. I'm never lucky in anything, but I might just win the 4% odds here. Six months of chemo and radiation and menopause and no chance for children... and my world got very small very suddenly.